Six Millie’s Cookies, One Police Dog and an Amorous Drunk

Sorry for the radio silence of late – it has been a challenging year both medically and academically so my blog has been a little neglected! First off, I’ll get my one moment of self-congratulation out of the way and let you all know that I am now officially a qualified Speech and Language Therapist with First Class Honours! So now to catch up on the blog…

As you will have discovered from previous posts, Pearl and I often find ourselves in interesting situations. The story told in this post goes back to an adventure we had in our second year of university and involves Millie’s cookies, a Metropolitan police dog and a rather over-friendly drunk man.

Let me set the scene for you.

A couple of weeks before finishing for the Christmas holidays, a friend from home came to visit. We’d had a lovely day exploring London but the time had come for her to head home. Having a sense of direction only just better than mine, she asked if Pearl and I would accompany her to the train station. A perfect opportunity to be a good host and  to buy myself some Millie’s cookies, I thought.

Arriving at the station we were surprised to be met by the sight of around a dozen members of the Metropolitan Police in full uniform, some with rather intimidating dogs sitting obediently at their heels. We deduced (from the sea of football shirts) that there was a big match playing somewhere and that the police were either expecting a bit of trouble, or wanted to ensure that nothing kicked off (no pun intended).

Having safely deposited my friend at the appropriate platform, Pearl and I began to make our way back towards the cookie stand and on the way acquired a new “friend” in the form of a rather inebriated gentleman. This over-friendly fellow seemed to have taken a shine to us and as we passed the time of day on our way to the concourse with the all too predictable banter of “awww give us a lift sweetheart” I began to wonder how I might part ways with my newly acquired friend. After a near miss with a security bollard (him, not me) I spotted the signs for my target destination and seized the opportunity to bid him adieu and head to buy some goodies. I waved him goodbye and with a smile on my face watched as he tottered his way across the concourse and out the exit.

Elvis has left the building…or not.

Police men (and the tails of their furry friends) in mind, Pearl and I carefully navigated our way to take up our place in the Millie’s Cookies queue. Taking the opportunity to indulge in a spot of people watching, I unintentionally managed to catch the eye of the policeman (complete with dog) nearest to the queue. Caught in the act of ogling, I flashed him my best “I’m-totally-innocent-please-don’t-arrest-me-smile” and a conversation between us began. Please see below for a brief and abridged transcript of the opening of our conversation.

Me:
*smiles*
Policeman:
*smiles* Hi
Me:
Hello, expecting a busy one?
Policeman:
Yeah definitely looking to be busy. Nice wheels by the way…
Me:
Ah thanks, glad you like them! I promise I didn’t mug an old lady for them…
Policeman:
*raises eyebrows*

Now, any person with an ounce of common sense wouldn’t even think of suggesting to anyone (banter or not) that they had mugged an old lady for a mobility scooter, let alone a policeman with a big, furry German Shepherd.

Muppet!

Fortunately for me, I was saved from this potentially awkward situation by the Millie’s Cookies lady and the return of my old friend the intoxicated gentleman. Phew. 


Having chosen and paid for my yummy treats, I reversed my way out of the queue (without running over the paws of one increasingly friendly police dog) and pulled up alongside the policeman as I packed my goodies into my handbag. This once docile dog was swiftly becoming my number one fan, and, rising to all fours, began sniffing my handbag with great alacrity and giving me his best “come hither” eyes – all in the name of a cookie I am sure. Joking that I had found a friend for life, the policeman suggested that I look his dog straight in the eyes and firmly say “no” whilst being fully aware that his canine companion would capitalise on the “puppy eyes” and try to guilt me into giving him a chocolatey treat. Apparently my furry friend was new to the job and this was proving to be an excellent “training exercise”. Glad to be of use!

Lesson #8 of life with Emily: Millie’s Cookies will earn you the undying love of a beautiful German Shepherd police dog.

Meanwhile, the intoxicated gentleman decided to come over and make himself known once more. By this point he was indeed “merry” and becoming increasingly zealous in his declarations of love for Pearl and I. By now the interest of both the policeman and police dog had been piqued. With one eye on the cookie and one eye on my amorous friend, the dog let out a low growl (I’m not sure if he was more bothered by the merry man or by not having been fed a cookie yet) and the policeman suggested my merry friend took a step back. Asking me if I knew this individual, I explained to the policeman that I had met him previously down by the platform and that although I’m sure he was a lovely person, he was not in fact my “one true love” as he proclaimed himself to be. Despite his valiant attempts, my inebriated friend was unable to convince the Metropolitan’s finest (and myself) that he and I were “meant to be together forever” and the kindly policeman asked if this gentleman was “becoming a nuisance”.

Whilst he had been totally harmless thus far, it was getting late and dark and Pearl and I needed to trundle fifteen minutes across London to make it home. Giving his colleagues what I affectionately nicknamed “The Nod”, two policeman (who collectively were about 13ft tall) appeared and taking my new friend under the arms steered him across the concourse and towards the exit in the most gentle and amicable manner. I could see daylight between his feet and the floor! As the shouts of love from my inebriated friend rang out across the concourse, my attention returned to my brown eyed furry friend who was indeed turning on the charm! Asking his handler for permission, I tickled him behind the ears (a big disappointment I’m sure…he definitely wanted the cookie!) and thanked them for handling my friendly fellow so well.

“All in an evening’s work Ma’am”

With that, I said goodbye to the most beautiful dog I’d ever seen (and his lovely handler) and made my way to the exit, confident in the knowledge that the people of London are well looked after. In the words of my new favourite policeman – “you know our number”.

Lesson #9 of life with Emily:  Never a dull a moment with the Metropolitan Police! Thank you for your courtesy, good humour and service with a smile.


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